06.05.2008, 19:06
This is a Do-It-Yourself virus.
I have unfortunately been very busy lately and haven't had the time to
write a virus. So please take a couple of minutes to open your documents
folder and randomly delete 10 or 12 files (including a minimum of 3 system
files) and then send this e-mail on to everyone on your mailing list.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Somebody left a glass of milk next to the keyboard.
Reaction?
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Futurist: The milk's in the wrong half of the glass.
Pascal programmers: Well, what type of milk is it?
C Programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.
Assembly programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.
Basic programmers: No thanks; I'm still breast feeding.
MIS: I'll drink it if you can give me until next year.
Fuzzy logic guys: I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.
Prolog programmers: I know I drank it - just don't ask me how.
Non-procedural language programmers: I drank it when nobody was looking.
UI designers: What's that crap in my glass?
Pentium users: I drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don't hold me to that.
Windows users: Where's my straw?
Mac users: Where's my pump?
UNIX users: Nahh . . . too easy.
Multimedia author: [slurp!]
Shareware game author: That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.
Security consultant: Where'd the rest of the milk go?
CIA: What makes you think that's milk?
NSA: We know what it really is.
Copy protection crazies: Somebody drank half my milk and didn't pay for it!
Free Software Foundation: That milk is the cow's contribution to all mankind!
Schroedinger: That damned cat got into the milk again!
Bill Gates: Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.
Apple Computer: You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.
IBM: Rent the glass from us and we'll fill it with something we know is good for you.
IRS: Thanks for getting your milk withholding correct this year.
National news media: Hey, we wanted OJ!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A New York divorce lawyer died and arrived at the
pearly gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to
merit entrance into Heaven?"
The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago,
I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the
record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was
true.
Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not
really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
The lawyer said, "Wait! There's more! Three years
ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment
nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what
do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said
to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell
him to go to The Devil."
Five Belgians in an Audi Quattro arrive at the
French border. The French Customs agent stops them and tells
them: "It's illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro."
"Oh, no, Quattro is just the name of the automobile.
Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5
persons."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the French
customs agent.
"Quattro means 4!"
"Oh, you are so stupid! Call your supervisor over!"
"He can't come. He's busy with the 2 guys in the
Fiat Uno."
Roy walks into the front door of a bar. He is
obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself
on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a
drink.
The bartender politely informs Roy that it appears
that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be
served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be
called for him?
Roy is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs,
grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the
front door.
A few minutes later, Roy stumbles in the SIDE door
of the "same" bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for
a drink.
The bartender comes over and, still politely but
more firmly, refuses service to him due to his inebriation,
and again offers to call a cab. He looks at the bartender
for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side
door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, Roy bursts in through the BACK
door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers
his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender
comes over and emphatically reminds him that he is clearly
drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the
police will be called immediately.
Roy surprisingly looks at the bartender, and in
hopeless anguish, cries - "MAAAN! How many bars do you work
at!?!?!"
Little Lucy loved sucking her thumb so much. She was
now five years old but hadn't stopped the bad habit. With an
effort to stop her from this bad practice, Lucy's mother
lied to her that her stomach will swell and will finally
burst if she doesn't stop the habit. The lie scared little
Lucy that she actually stopped the habit immediately.
A month later, Mrs. Blecker, who was expecting her
first child, pays them a visit. When Lucy comes in to greet
her she stops first to stare at Mrs. Blecker's tummy, then
goes ahead with her greeting. Mrs. Blecker notices the
hesitation and asks, "Hi, Lucy! I guess you are wondering
where I've been, aren't you?"
The little girl answers, "Not exactly, Mrs. Blecker,
I know what you've been doing and you better stop it fast."
++---------------------------++
The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes on Saturday morning
and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd
cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through
mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and yelled
out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?"
The fellow thought for a minute, then answered, "The lady who lives
here lets me sleep with her."
I have unfortunately been very busy lately and haven't had the time to
write a virus. So please take a couple of minutes to open your documents
folder and randomly delete 10 or 12 files (including a minimum of 3 system
files) and then send this e-mail on to everyone on your mailing list.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Somebody left a glass of milk next to the keyboard.
Reaction?
Optimist: The glass is half full.
Pessimist: The glass is half empty.
Futurist: The milk's in the wrong half of the glass.
Pascal programmers: Well, what type of milk is it?
C Programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.
Assembly programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.
Basic programmers: No thanks; I'm still breast feeding.
MIS: I'll drink it if you can give me until next year.
Fuzzy logic guys: I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.
Prolog programmers: I know I drank it - just don't ask me how.
Non-procedural language programmers: I drank it when nobody was looking.
UI designers: What's that crap in my glass?
Pentium users: I drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don't hold me to that.
Windows users: Where's my straw?
Mac users: Where's my pump?
UNIX users: Nahh . . . too easy.
Multimedia author: [slurp!]
Shareware game author: That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.
Security consultant: Where'd the rest of the milk go?
CIA: What makes you think that's milk?
NSA: We know what it really is.
Copy protection crazies: Somebody drank half my milk and didn't pay for it!
Free Software Foundation: That milk is the cow's contribution to all mankind!
Schroedinger: That damned cat got into the milk again!
Bill Gates: Not enough market share to be Microsoft Milk.
Apple Computer: You guys really oughta be drinking Perrier.
IBM: Rent the glass from us and we'll fill it with something we know is good for you.
IRS: Thanks for getting your milk withholding correct this year.
National news media: Hey, we wanted OJ!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A New York divorce lawyer died and arrived at the
pearly gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to
merit entrance into Heaven?"
The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago,
I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the
record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was
true.
Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not
really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
The lawyer said, "Wait! There's more! Three years
ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment
nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what
do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said
to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell
him to go to The Devil."
Five Belgians in an Audi Quattro arrive at the
French border. The French Customs agent stops them and tells
them: "It's illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro."
"Oh, no, Quattro is just the name of the automobile.
Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5
persons."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the French
customs agent.
"Quattro means 4!"
"Oh, you are so stupid! Call your supervisor over!"
"He can't come. He's busy with the 2 guys in the
Fiat Uno."
Roy walks into the front door of a bar. He is
obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself
on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a
drink.
The bartender politely informs Roy that it appears
that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be
served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be
called for him?
Roy is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs,
grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the
front door.
A few minutes later, Roy stumbles in the SIDE door
of the "same" bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for
a drink.
The bartender comes over and, still politely but
more firmly, refuses service to him due to his inebriation,
and again offers to call a cab. He looks at the bartender
for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side
door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, Roy bursts in through the BACK
door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers
his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender
comes over and emphatically reminds him that he is clearly
drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the
police will be called immediately.
Roy surprisingly looks at the bartender, and in
hopeless anguish, cries - "MAAAN! How many bars do you work
at!?!?!"
Little Lucy loved sucking her thumb so much. She was
now five years old but hadn't stopped the bad habit. With an
effort to stop her from this bad practice, Lucy's mother
lied to her that her stomach will swell and will finally
burst if she doesn't stop the habit. The lie scared little
Lucy that she actually stopped the habit immediately.
A month later, Mrs. Blecker, who was expecting her
first child, pays them a visit. When Lucy comes in to greet
her she stops first to stare at Mrs. Blecker's tummy, then
goes ahead with her greeting. Mrs. Blecker notices the
hesitation and asks, "Hi, Lucy! I guess you are wondering
where I've been, aren't you?"
The little girl answers, "Not exactly, Mrs. Blecker,
I know what you've been doing and you better stop it fast."
++---------------------------++
The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes on Saturday morning
and set about all the chores he'd been putting off for weeks. He'd
cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway through
mowing the lawn when a woman pulled up in the driveway and yelled
out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard work?"
The fellow thought for a minute, then answered, "The lady who lives
here lets me sleep with her."